Protein Shakes That Lie

Reading the label on this coconut milk, I see just three ingredients: organic coconut, water, and organic guar gum. With only 1g of sugar per 100g and a near-perfect 9.9 score, it's a standout for purity. The guar gum likely gives it a smooth, pourable consistency that won't split in hot coffee. I can see keeping a carton in the office fridge for a non-dairy splash that actually tastes like coconut, not just white water. The trade-off is texture; it won't be as thick or rich as a canned, full-fat version if you were hoping for that. It's a great minimalist option.

This Organic Almondmilk has a pristine label: just water, organic almonds, and sea salt. It's impressive to see 0g of sugar and a 9.9 score with such a short list. The simplicity suggests a very pure, nut-forward flavor that should be subtle in a matcha latte or oatmeal without overpowering it. I imagine it would be a perfect companion for a quiet morning at the kitchen table. However, the lack of any emulsifiers means it might separate in the fridge, requiring a vigorous shake before each use. This is a trade-off for the ultra-clean ingredient deck, but for pure, unsweetened almond milk, it's hard to beat.

The label for this Key Lime Almond Milk Yogurt shows a sugar content of 12g per 100g, which is quite a bit higher than the plain milks, and the 8.8 score reflects that. It uses cane sugar and natural flavors alongside the almond milk base. The texture likely comes from a blend of tapioca starch and gums, aiming for a creamy, scoopable consistency. I can picture this as a refreshing, tangy snack on a warm afternoon. The trade-off is definitely the sweetness; it's more of a dessert yogurt than a health food staple. If you're craving a key lime pie flavor, this hits the spot, but it's not something I'd use daily.

This Organic Whole Milk Cottage Cheese has a robust 9.9 score, powered by organic milk, cream, and Celtic sea salt. With only 1g of sugar, it's a fantastic source of protein and fat that feels substantial. The ingredients suggest a rich, creamy curd, much more so than nonfat versions. It would be a powerhouse snack after a workout or a savory late-night bite to keep you full. The trade-off is the dairy and sodium content; it's not for the lactose-sensitive or anyone on a low-salt diet. For a clean, organic dairy option, though, the label is exceptionally strong.

This Vanilla Milk has an updating ingredient list, so I can't fully analyze the deck, but the 9.6 score and 4g of sugar suggest it's a well-made product. That sugar level is a nice middle ground—not totally sweet, but more palatable for some than unsweetened versions. The vanilla flavor likely makes it a great gateway for kids who are hesitant about plain milk or other alternatives. I can see it being a lunchbox staple. The trade-off is the uncertainty of the 'updating ingredients'—it might be wise to check the carton when you buy it. If the formula stays clean, it's a solid, slightly sweet choice.